It all comes to a climax when we ourselves realize that through all the bull-crap and the struggles that we face, everything is going to be okay.
When we were growing up, we were protected as kids by our parents or guardians against life’s great struggles.We were taught that everything is going to be okay and all we knew was that perfect, simple life. But as grown ups, we learn that our parents were only doing the right thing by us; by letting us live an un-jaded life of what was going to come. As we grow up, we realize that life isn’t what it was made out to be… but in a way, we are going to be okay no matter what. In a way, we come full circle with what we have been taught as children and accept as adults when we realize that through our struggles – no matter what – everything is going to be okay. That simple lesson we are taught as children becomes our mantra through our adult lives despite the unknown.We all experience lows – big and small – but it’s in those moments that we either let them defeat us, or we bare our teeth and stare right at the situation.
From my personal experience, when I quit my job last year I had no clue what I was going to do. It was the right thing to do at the time but because I had no real plan, I was screwed. There were days in the beginning where life was sweet and I was enjoying sleeping in while sending my sister to work with a packed lunch with me in my pj’s. But then after 3 weeks, and still no bite after sending what seemed like a million applications, I began to feel it. Endless hours of applications, pacing back and forth between the couch, restroom and kitchen. Sometimes I’d be in pj’s all day and shower just before heading to bed to start the same cycle the next day. I didn’t feel like everything was going to be okay, but my family and those around me continued to chant that mantra on the daily. And after a while, I began to believe it. In my moment self-doubt, everyone but I knew it would be okay. And sure enough, the reality of the situation was that everything was okay. Regardless of the situation.
And that is the same with love. Love is meant to teach us so much about the person we can be and who we are. We get to learn what love is through the love that we find in strange places (least expected), as well as in the fairy-tale of other couples whose type of love we want and aspire to have. For example, Will + Jada Pinkett-Smith. Or Beyonce + Jay Z (even if they be fighting in the elevators). Or Denzel and Pauletta Washington. Or David Bowie + Iman. Or David + Victoria Beckham. It’s the type of love we want – that lasting love despite any hiccups, and of-course that nurturing and protective love shown by our parents especially in our upbringing. Despite the aspirations, if the love is bad, we have to learn that everything is going to be okay because we have to believe deep down in our soul that this is just a stumble we are facing. And most importantly, we have to learn that our love – while it may be lost to an undeserving soul, we will be okay because we still have so much love to give to the right person.
Personally, I have gotten the chance to experience the good and the bad, and through it all, I have known that despite the outcome, everything will be okay. That is what I have been pre-conditioned to know, and that is how I deal as a grown up. I tell myself that everything is going to be okay no matter what I am facing. The friend who is sitting right next to me as I cry into their shoulder tells me that everything is going to be okay after I have have that bad break-up conversation. The best friend who is half-way across the world can only offer those same words through the phone as she tries to calm me down as I sob hysterically into the phone piece – everything is going to be okay. My parent holds me as their little baby, and tries to calm me down with those soothing words that she used to tell me when I was a child when times were rough and I had stumbled as an adult – everything is going to be okay.
Heartbreak is never an easy thing, but I have been able to deal, accept and move on with my life because I’m full circle with the woman I was before all the crazy started to happen. I was okay then – before we met. More importantly, I’m a stronger woman having gone through the heartbreak and dealing with everything. I’m full circle and I love the way it feels. I guess when putting it simple – no struggle, no progress.
I know everyone will have their own opinion on this, and I can’t wait to hear it; but, I believe that we have to love ourselves more. Love one. And then love us (couple you). And then the rest. We have to love ourselves more before we try to love somebody else and bring them into that love.
As kids, we have to build a resilience and a thick skin. As we grow and as we stumble one too many times, the lessons learned as children help us because we know and believe that everything will be okay. We come full circle with a very important childhood lesson.... N. xo