NyashaMayne | Priority or Option
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Priority or Option

Being an option just isn’t good enough. You want them to pick you because you know that you are worth it; but when that doesn’t happen, you know it is time to move on. They have all the perks of a girlfriend, without you actually having that title, and that isn’t right. We are grown folk. And as grown folk, we need to be able to be straight-up with each-other.
After having a very interesting conversation with some of the most important women in my life, I was inspired to share some words.

Be picky with whom you invest your time with. Wasted time is worse than wasted money. So make sure it’s worthwhile.
After months, or even years of being coupled-up an “I’m sorry,” doesn’t quite cut it when things turn out differently than what one expected in a relationship. If someone shows you that they are not killing themselves to spend time with you, then neither should you because they are not worth your time. It is quite evident that someone who likes you and wants you, will want to spend time with you, whether it’s a few hours after a long day at work or a few phone calls during the day to say “Hi, how are you? I miss you”. Priority.

In the event that the aforementioned does not take place, they are not worth your time. Move on. Why? Because people who aren’t willing to call you their #1, just aren’t quite worth you and your time. Do not let a man make you an option in life.  If you can’t be his priority, don’t settle for less. Option.

You want a man to show up for you. Fight for you. Be there for you. In life, we all hope we find a man who will love and cherish us forever. Yeeessssss! I said it! We do want that fairytale ending. But this is the real world where that kind of love is one in a million. A diamond in the rough.  So if a guy treats you like anything less than what you know you are worth, it’s time to move on. Don’t settle for being a “down-time”, “spare-time” or “part-time” person in a man’s life. Either you are in all the way or you are out.
You want a man to show up for you. Fight for you. Be there for you. There is no middle of the road, unless it is mutually agreed upon that whatever you have isn’t serious. In the end, if a guy is always making excuses about spending time with you or discussing the potential of your future (long-term + marriage) then it’s time to move on. Subtract yourself from that equation as he is only whiling up time until he finds something better. Their forever. “Don’t let him milk the cow for free,” like my Momma always says! “If he is getting it for free he won’t want to buy it”. But what I can’t usually say back, is that the cow gets milked both ways. It’s the 21st century but I respect my Momma too much to say it to her face. It’s not always the guy taking advantage of the girl. Women, yes, women, are just as cunning and manipulative in getting what they want from a situation. Society just tends to make them the weaker sex – the fragile kind. The damsel. But not all women need to be saved.
In every situation, you are given the signs, but it is up to you to take them and heed the word from the wise. I am by far not gospel, but have lived through some mistakes that I would never repeat again. So, what am I saying really?
Takeaway: the lesson is don’t make yourself cheap. If someone wants to be with you, they will make an effort; not excuses. You will be their favourite “hello” and hardest “goodbye”. Be a priority in their life; not an option. 

Men don’t have as hard of a time of detaching their emotions from a situation like women do. Studies have proven this. Society has proven this. People I know have proven this. That’s why, when I say the following it is for the women out there reading this. Never love a guy more than he loves you because when all is said and done, if you break up, you will be messed up. Let him love you more. Let him lead the way. But don’t follow behind. Be by his side as an equal.

For those who celebrate 50 to 60 year anniversaries, it’s because they respected each other and not giving up when the going got tough. I pray for a love like that. And wish it for all of you.
... N. xo
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