Table for One

Do you ever spend time by yourself? Just you. By one. Solo.

Do you think that spending time by yourself is normal, especially when you know you can call your friends to hang out; or have your partner as your +1 (plus one in all activities); or just call someone because you don’t want to do something by yourself?

Why is this concept of solo-time (time spent in your own company) such a foreign concept to some?

Let me enlighten you!

A few weekends ago, I woke up just after 9:00AM on Saturday and to my surprise, the sun as shining. In the art of waking up on a lazy Saturday, I took my time and it was perfect. My brain though did tell me after peeking out the blinds my day would not be spent indoors, so I got showered, put on some comfy garments and made my way out. As I drove out with no particular mission, a sudden craving for something sweet tingled and I decided on the best thing to treat this little craving – waffles! I headed in the direction of this cute Belgian waffle place in my neighbourhood and when I got there, I asked for a “Table for one”. The hostess looked perplexed and for good measure, she repeated my request back to me, to which I just nodded. She shuffled the menu she was holding and led me to the center of the room with a shocked look like I had asked for something off-menu. Table for one.

As a comfortable and confident woman, I had no reservations about my request because I am certain this concept isn’t foreign; but definitely one that doesn’t get used or heard often. Now, this wasn’t the first time I had taken myself out for brunch, nor would it be the last. The last time I had done it was the weekend of my 26th birthday. I got dressed up in my best, and took myself to a little place for brunch, where I once again, requested a “Table for one”. Why? I just needed the time to escape with my thoughts and just reflect on the past year and what 26 would mean for me. I have friends, but I didn’t want to share my solace with anyone. A bit selfish you might be thinking, but sometimes you just have to be selfish. 

As I reflect, this year I chose to be selfish. Selfish with my time. Selfish with my thoughts. Selfish with my love.  To grow, one has to make choices. Tough choices where you are your own constant person in your life. While it is nice to depend on others, sometimes those people you depend on so much are the same ones that let you down. Therefore, it is important that one self – you – become and are the only consistent thing in your life that will always show up. Ain’t no one going to show up for you like you can!

“Table for one”, runs far deeper than meets the eye. It is more to do with yourself and your own comfort zone when it comes to who you are and what you believe in. It demands that you own yourself and your feelings and speak life into what you denote to be important to you (self-talk). It is a part of growth and with growth, there is an understanding of the mind, body and soul. 

I realized that while I was used to giving more of myself to make other people happy, because by disposition and nature, I was a “people please-r”. But in doing so, I lost sight of the woman I was and it was time to walk into myself and into my own space. While pleasing others, I forgot to keep a little pleasure for myself; but, it has been a great love affair finding the things that pleasure me these past months. It was bittersweet moment – shedding my old self and finding my new self.

Growth demands me to be selfish and its the best decision I’ve had to make. I am selfish. It is the sweetest thing  because I’ve grown over the past weeks and months and have been able to do things to please me and no one else. I’ve had the chance to only consider me when making decisions and it has felt good. 

Enlightenment: The most important thing is to never make the mistake of losing yourself while trying to gain acceptance from others. Because in doing what you feel others will like, you lose sight of who you are. The value of external validation will not only kill you but it will kill your soul. Remember Essena O’Neill? The biggest mistake would be to give up all you are and keep nothing for yourself.

While I have been able to recapture that lost part of me and grow  and appreciate life more, I have learned through my past mistakes of what to keep at bay and at the first sign of danger, run in the other direction. I have  a greater appreciation for my life and its blessings. Being selfish is never seen as a good thing, but sometimes being able to let people down while pleasing oneself is far more important.

Bittersweet is defined as  arousing pleasure tinged with sadness or pain. I choose to make sacrifices that affect more than myself but please me directly. But the thing is, the sacrifices I am making are for someone else who wishes things could have been done differently. Me. A part of me wishes things could have been different but they are not. But with everything that seems to have gone on in my life, I can’t please the person who I was, nor the people who left me behind  – them; and especially the people in my life now. I am one person and I cannot please everyone.

As we all grow up, we all have to make hard choices even when we do not want to. People have to walk the “un-ordained path” and take the time to re-align themselves with their own self-beliefs and be selfish. Table for one. Whether if this is the wrong decision or not, choosing self and being selfish makes one a better person. It doesn’t make one any less Holy or Sanctimonious. It just means that for once, you are choosing yourself. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Next time you decide that you need to indulge, request that “Table for one”. Find yourself.